21 Sure Fire Ways to Get Horrible Customer Service Reviews

Ready to get some Customer Service reviews on Yelp, Google, etc.? Some of these pointers in the list are stand alone. They’ll do the trick right then and there.

However, other items in the list build over time. If applying these regularly, they’ll work like a slow bleed.

They’ll bleed the very life out of your employees and your business!

Customer Review Troubles

The first part of the list has to do with the ‘slow bleed’ and these are tips for the employer or manager.

The second part of the list is the sure-fire stuff that anyone can do in your company to garner immediate results.

Training Your Staff in Customer Service

  • Don’t train your employees or give them much direction when you first hire them. Let your employees ‘figure it out’.
  • Expect employees to read your mind and know the proper way to do things.
  • Yell at people in frustration when they cannot read your mind.
  • Hire people solely based on their interview skills – then don’t follow up with training or evaluations.
  • Don’t communicate your vision or your business mission to your employees.
  • Tolerate, and even encourage, A LOT of office drama.

Office Drama! Less is More

  • Encourage complaining in the workspace by doing it yourself.
  • Talk in a snarky way about customers with your employees after they leave. Oh! Better yet, complain about customers to another customer.
  • Talk about employees in a demeaning or derogatory way. This really encourages a ‘dog eat dog’ atmosphere of competition and brown nosing the boss.
  • Keep pay at the very minimum wage. Be stingy with any sort of compensation or bonuses.

Competitive Employee Compensation

  • Change employee work expectations and work schedules without notice or warning.
  • Get irritated with employees when they cannot remember what you trained them on, that one time.
  • Show up and criticize the way your employees are doing things. Make snide comments to them about their dress, the way they talk, or their work.
  • Don’t greet customers or ask them questions. Most definitely don’t look people in the eye. Look as detached as possible – this means absolutely NO SMILING.

Customer Service Expectations

  • Ring someone up at the register and be more interested in flirting with a coworker or another customer. Give the wrong change or product for extra effect.
  • Ask a customer to ‘hold on a sec’ while you finish up texting a friend. Sigh heavily, THEN ring up their purchase or ask them, ‘what do you want?’.
  • Check your phone often while working. Occasionally laugh at something private on your phone so people know you’re completely not interested in them or with being at work.

My personal favorites above…

Employee Training – No Phones

  • Do other projects at work and make sure they take precedence over focusing on the person in front of you. Facebook qualifies as a “project”.
  • Share your personal problems with customers. In great detail.
  • Have poor hygiene including dirty nails and stinky breath. Better yet, come in to work after a hard workout but don’t shower. Have on your dirty and wrinkled clothes. Heck, don’t comb your hair either.
  • Chince out on cleaning. Does anyone even really notice the dirty bathroom with TP on the floor, a sticky table, the grimy door handles, or the dust bunnies on the floor? Naw.

Self Centered Staff

Let me know how it goes!

I’m confident that when you apply even some of these tips, your desired results of horrid reviews will begin to fly in before you know it!

Would you like this list in a PDF? How about some Customer Service Training and Coaching?
Email me below.

Shoot me an email: info@kaizen.zone

I’ll get it right back to you.

~Samantha

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